Us programmer types likes to live or life in a nice, logical, well ordered manner. Our bookshelves are alphabetized, and our shirts are hung in the closet in order of color. How, then, can we possibly resist categorizing the farts that occur around us? Read on, young web-surfer:

The Lethal Weapon IV Fart:
It's loud, it's fast, everything blows up, people get hurt, end of story.

The Titanic Fart:
This was a really huge fart you did when you were a kid, but your family just will not stop talking about it, reviving it, and reliving it, and telling the story to everyone you introduce them to. You begin to wonder if they're planning sell the movie rights, and you begin to fantasize about Leonardo Decrapio to playing your part as the young farter, and wondering what the theme song will sound like.

The TWA Flight 800 Fart:
There was a huge explosion. There was fire. There were many witnesses. There were casualties. There was an investigation. There was a recreation of the crime scene. But to this day, the source cannot be identified. You are smiling.

The Lord of the Dance Fart:
In an effort to mask the sound of an oncoming fart, and beging talking about the Lord of the Dance show you saw, stamping your feet as hard and furiously as you can on a wooden floor as the air escapes.

The Ebola Fart:
One person in the group farts, then others around him start farting as well, speading like a virus. Soon, everyone is farting.

The Year2K Problem Fart:
You were short on time at lunch, and instead of having some healthy food, you opted for a bad chili dog from the street vendor. You know a really foul fart is coming, and you're going to be in a closed-door meeting all afternoon. You know you should have thought ahead at lunchtime and could have avoided the problem, but it's only 1:30pm and you feel it looming inside you already. A major disaster awaits unless you act NOW.

The Viagra Fart:
After a nice, vibrating fart, you find yourself aroused.

The Got Milk? Fart:
You forgot to take your "Lact-Aid", had some milk with your cookies, and now your lactose-intolerant stomach is about to teach you a lesson you won't forget.

The El Nino Fart:
You thought it might be serious well in advance, and it was. This fart is relentless, coming in huge waves, causing massive flooding and much damage in its wake. You vow to be better prepared next time.

The Mile High Club Fart:
The only way to join this club is to break wind above 30,000 feet.